Pokémon Hoenn Funtimes
by Dracoroserade
Summary: What would it really be like to have a Pokemon battle against a protagonist?


Pokémon Hoenn Funtimes

The sun was shining, birds were chirping and there was a delightful breeze in the air. Rick threw off the covers and exclaimed to the world, "Today shall be a magnificent day!"

His mother had made pancakes for breakfast and he wolfed them down with glee and plenty of syrup. When they'd all vanished he jumped up and gave his mother a kiss on the cheek before rushing upstairs. He brushed his teeth with a smile. Upon opening his wardrobe he could see the forty-odd white tank tops that he owned, all identical of course. He deliberated for a while but finally decided on the twenty-third from the left. It was a similar story in his chest of drawers. Fifteen pairs of blue shorts looked up at him but this time he chose the one on the top almost immediately. From his collection of identical pairs of blue shorts, these were his favourite.

He felt ready for the world. There were only three things left to grab. The first was within reach, his straw hat lay on the edge of his bed and in one swift motion he swept it onto his head with a swoosh. The second hung on the back of his door and reaching behind it he grabbed the bamboo bug net and held it aloft, quite majestically too. And the last was his rucksack, perhaps the most important item of all, for it contained his best friends and his greatest weapons. He looked inside and the light from above glinted brilliantly off of the surface of the Pok _éballs within. Rick reached in and pulled out the balls. He knew that within them lay the only Pokémon he would ever need to conquer the world. To him they were incredible._

 _He gently placed them back in the bag and slung it over his shoulder._ _'What pose should I go with today?'_ _he wondered and turned to face the mirror._ _'Perhaps an old classic?'_ _He raised the bug net over his shoulder with two hands, almost as if he was about to hit a baseball out of the park. Today it wasn't doing anything for him. There was something missing._ _'Hmm. Perhaps…'_ _he mused. He gave the mirror a fierce look and *bam* there it was. This was how he was going to face the day. It was actually how he faced every day but that wasn't the point._

 _He thundered down the stairs and past the kitchen door, grabbing some crisps and an apple as he went. Shoes were pulled onto his feet he stood up and headed out the door. "Bye, Mum! I'm off to the forest! See you tonight!" He heard his mum call out something nice as he headed down the path, shutting the door behind him._

 _Oldale town was already awake, the Pokémart and Pokécentre ready for the day's business. Rick saw last night's shift workers leaving for their homes, dog tired, and being replaced with the beaming day staff. As he neared the edge of the village the other trainers who he shared the forest with daily joined him and he enjoyed a chat with Allen, Tiana and Calvin about the everyday goings on in Hoenn. Tiana had bought new shoes that were identical to her last ones and they looked really nice. The twins Allen and Calvin seemed to be arguing at the moment so they were very quiet towards each other. The four of them reached the post that signalled the entrance to the forest and then went their separate ways._

 _Rick had been wanting a new bug net to further his training career and had been spending most of his time in the woods challenging trainers and winning to raise funds. He also needed the general supplies like potions and burn heals that every trainer should have with them. He patted the items pocket to check but was alarmed when it felt flat. He pulled his bag off and opened it, frowning when he saw that he only had an ether and a fire stone in there. They must have been left on his desk and he tapped his head to tell himself off._ _Ah well,_ _he thought,_ _I probably won't need them. Always better to be safe than sorry though._

 _His favourite tree was in view now and grabbing his bug net from his back he leant against the trunk, waiting for potential battle victims to wander on by._

 _Today was a slow day for Rick. By the position of the sun he figured he had been there for roughly four hours and his back had begun to take on the pattern of the bark._

 _Looking over in the direction of where Tiana should be stood he called out, "Hey, Tiana! Have you seen anyone yet?"_

 _"No," she called back. "Today is really quiet!"_

 _Rick smiled. "Tell me about it." He had a teeny tiny crush on Tiana. She made him happy. Maybe he'd ask her out for ice cream later. Well, it wasn't going to get any busier apparently. He decided to sit down and rest for a bit, seeing as there was nothing else to do. There was a book he was supposed to be reading, his mum had given it to him, but he couldn't muster the energy. He needed to battle, it was in his blood. But the sky was also rather pretty today. There was a cloud that looked like a Pikachu. And a Snorlax. And even one that took the mighty form of Arceus, master of all, praise be upon him._

 _Suddenly, something to his left caught his eye. Turning he saw that a trainer had appeared down the path and was slowly heading towards him. This guy looked like he had all the time in the world and was just absent-mindedly strolling along, hands in his pockets. He wasn't even pressing the B button to run._

 _The guy looked familiar. He had a mess of white hair behind a headband, a green bag and shorts. It took a second but Rick realised that he was the trainer that had passed by here a few days ago. Yes, this was the trainer who'd dashed past him when he'd turned to look left. Rick hated it when people did that._ He looked sort of strong but Rick wasn't fussed. There had been other challengers who'd looked way tougher and he'd taken them down with ease. He waited for the guy to walk almost in front of him and then pounced.

"You!" Rick called out. "Battle me! What's your name, trainer?" He looked him up and down and then sneered, showing him that he wasn't afraid.

The boy in red looked at him with distaste. It was impossible to refuse the challenge of a Pokémon battle and this made some trainers who just wanted to move on irritated. "I'll tell you my name, boy, and you remember it. My name is Buttfart," he said with a similar sneer, looking Rick menacingly in the eye.

 _Erm…_ "Ok…. Buttfart. Prepare to fight!" Reaching inside of his bag, Rick grabbed the Pokéball that he wanted and hurled it towards his opponent. He'd decided to lead with his strongest Pokémon to utterly crush this strangely named trainer and grinned as the ball burst open, spilling red light onto the ground. It swirled around in the air before forming the shape of his friend and slowly solidifying, displaying the magnificent creature. The brushed red, that resplendent white and the poisonous yellow all shone out, displaying to the world that this Wurmple was not to be messed with lest you want your village destroyed and your family taken from you. Rick had trained this beast to an astonishing level 4 and even he was in awe of it. He couldn't even imagine how much fear his opponent must have right now.

He looked up and to his surprise, Buttfart was smirking. _How dare he!_ Rick thought. _You look at my friend and smirk? You scum!_ Now Rick was even more determined to take this arrogant trainer down. He probably only had some weak starter at level 2 to – _Hold on,_ Rick paused. _What's that glinting off his shirt?_ He hadn't noticed it but now that light was making him suspicious. _Ah._ Under closer inspection it would seem that this trainer had gained all eight gym badges in the Hoenn region. _This could be challenging_.

But Rick was not to be swayed. "Bring out your Pokémon then!"

Buttfart sighed and lazily tossed a Pokéball onto the grass. It burst open and rick waited to see what this irritating trainer decided to carry around with him. _Ha, bet it's a Treeko. Wurmple will totally have the advantage._ The red light coated the ground. _Huh, this is kinda big._ And it kept spreading, reaching upwards until Rick was staring up at a towering mass of red that swiftly burst into blue. _Holy damn._

He cursed under his breath. This 'useless' trainer had just thrown out in front of him the legendary lord of the sea Kyogre. The beast was like a living sapphire, Rick was blinded by the splendid sheen from its skin that was as deep as the sea and as endless as the sky.

He looked past the legend to see this trainer picking at his nails, not even looking at the fight. "But – but how?!" Rick yelled at him over the roar of Kyogre being awesome.

"Oh, just wait," he said, still not looking up.

Rick's jaw dropped. "There's more?!" It was at this point that he saw a glimmer by Kyogre's arm/wing/fin thing. It appeared to be an orb that was blue and – _Oh, come on._

Suddenly a bright blue light enveloped Kyogre and crystallised, becoming tons of solid sapphire, before shattering and revealing the Legendary ruler of the sea in its supposedly story-tale primal form, the raw energy coursing through the ore veins in its sides. It was beautiful.

Rick knew when he was beat. It would be close but he reckoned that this Kyogre could maybe beat his Wurmple. "Ok, you win," he said, holding out some Pokédollars and reaching for his Pokéball to reclaim Wurmple.

Buttfart glanced up and said with an impressive degree of mock-sincerity. "No, no, you challenged me. I insist that we battle." He finally looked up at his Pokémon. "Kyogre. Destroy."

Rick turned to run, abandoning his friend to his fate. As his feet pounded the earth he looked back to see Wurmple giving him a look of utter betrayal and sadness before he was entirely obliterated by Kyogre's balls of compressed water and energy, shot towards him faster than bullets, ripping holes in the poor defenceless Pokémon. Rick had just enough time to see on his HUD that this move was called 'Origin Pulse', which he decided was quite a cool name, before it lifted him from his feet and slammed him into the tree that he was so fond of leaning against. Well, into, through, embedding him in the tree behind it.

He fell down hard. He was relatively unhurt apart from the internal bleeding, broken bones and emotional scarring. He saw that his tormentor had withdrawn Kyogre and walked up to him. They were now in a new clearing which had been created by the intense blast of the mythical and world-destroying Pokémon move.

"Ok, ok, I give up! I'm sorry I challenged you!" Rick threw his hands up in front of him to keep himself from being blinded by this trainer's awesome might. "Here!" he said, thrusting a wedge of Pokédollars towards him.

The trainer made no move to take it. "But we're not finished. I can see you have another Pokémon. Bring it out." He sounded almost confused but Rick had seen enough to know that this was all an act and there was no confusion at all in this trainer's mind.

"How could you know that?"

Buttfart rolled his eyes. "I'm actually half robot and my cyber-eye scanned your bag."

At this point Rick was ready to believe almost anything. To think someone could have tamed the mythical beast of the sea, it was ridiculous. What would happen now to the stupidly large amount of water that surrounded Hoenn?

Rick pulled himself up, ignoring the pain coming from his battered body. "I can't poss-"

The trainer's eyes shone steel. "You challenged me. Now fight." That menacing glare stopped any more thoughts of Rick's that he might get out of this without fighting.

He sighed and held in a rib. "Fine! But you have to use a different Pokémon!" _At least he can't use the Origin Pulse again._

"Fine by me," Buttfart said as he flicked his wrist and sent another ball flying in front of him.

Rick groaned. He grabbed his other ball and tossed it, shining forth his second Pokémon, another Wurmple. This one was also level four but was half an inch shorter that his first, recently deceased Wurmple, thus making it his second choice. Rick was now starting to re-evaluate his life choices on his Pokémon partners, his Wurmples were now appearing much less impressive when faced with those comparable to Gods.

Whatever he had couldn't possibly be as destructive and terrifying as Kyogre, he reckoned as he looked up into the pure magma eyes of the ferocious continent Pokémon Groudon, already having reverted to its Primal Form and coursing with the energy of the planet itself.

Rick looked down by his feet to see in the grass that his friend was now giving him a look that can only be described as "Why hath you forsaken me, Master?" and Rick could only shrug in response.

He sighed. Master and Pokémon shared one last look as he said to his Wurmple, "Well buddy. It's been good. Thank you for all your work." He leant down and patted the insect's head before standing back up. "But I'm afraid I'm out," he said, his feet already pulling him away as he finished speaking.

He made it almost to the treeline, (a whole eight feet!) before he heard from behind, "Oh, hell no. Gardevoir, get out here." Red light spilled into the makeshift arena once again as the flowing Psychic/Fairy type Pokémon that one should never look up on the internet appeared before Rick's opponent. "Use imprison!"

Our protagonist turned. "What?" Suddenly his legs were bound to the spot and he could feel chains and rope keeping him totally immobile. "Wait, I'm not a Pokémon, you can't-"

"Groudon, kill."

The legendary ground-type Pokémon released an ear-splitting roar to the world and from its feet a wave pulsed into the ground. There was quiet for a second and Rick wondered whether the attack had failed but as large, sharp blades of stone stabbed upwards he figured that, no, it had not. Rick's display told him that this was 'Precipice Blades'. _Eh,_ He thought, _not as cool as Origin Pulse. But that's just my opinion._ The blades flew towards him and he braced himself for the sharp impact that he knew was about to come.

But it didn't. Instead he found himself airborne. Suddenly a small _whump_ had flown into his side and he was knocked into a pillar that had already sprouted, dropping to its base. Looking over he saw that Wurmple, the Pokémon who he thought would hate him for putting him in this situation, had saved him as a blade had shot up through the ground where he had just been stood. The brave soldier must have used tackle to shove him out of the way but this had meant putting himself in danger and he now jumped around, trying to avoid being sliced in two.

"Wurmple!" he called. "Quick, use String Shot and swing to me!" Rick wasn't even sure he could be heard over the storm of debris but soon saw his friend shooting towards him on a web. He lurched forward and grabbed him, pulling the Pokémon into his chest and protecting him with his arms. Rick was being battered here and there by the pillars but miraculously was not struck directly, except by the dust that was thrown up. The two of them huddled together on the ground as the swords of stone careened around them.

And then it all stopped. The battle was over. At some point his Wurmple must have fainted, ending the battle. Rick felt his eyes getting hot. He may have lost, his friend may have sacrificed himself for the sake of the battle but at least the Pokémon in his arms was alive.

For many years to come this would be remembered as the day that Oldale town ceased to exist. No more could one visit the Pokémart and buy early-game items, nor could you examine your own footprints in that patch of mud, blocking the entire path for anyone wishing to use it. Littleroot town became a ruin after its inhabitants all used fly to leave, their link to the rest of the world now part of the Grand Canyon of Hoenn. A legendry's signature move that was enough to create continents was not a subtle on, even when turned down to its minimum.

Today, however, the resulting subsidence had yet to be realised and the only visible damage was a few sharp stones. The two trainers faced each other, one stood tall, hands in pockets and a bored look on his face, the other collapsed on the ground, wrapped around a Wurmple, but still a look of anger upon his features.

Rick held out the usual loss penalty amount and Buttfart snatched it from him. The look of distaste as he flicked through it just annoyed Rick even more. He looked up. "Yeah, and the rest, kiddo," he said, holding out his hand. He nodded to the money pocket in Rick's bag.

Rick frowned. "What? But I can't give you this, it's all the money that I have! I need it!"

A snicker. "Well you should have thought of that before you challenged me. Now give." He tilted his head ever so slightly to Groudon, still behind him and giving Rick a hungry look.

Painfully, Rick handed the victor the rest of his money, even the change from his pockets. Buttfart sneered at the apparently paltry amount and dropped it inside his bag. "Fine. I hope you learnt your lesson. Groudon, return," he said, a red light beaming towards and recalling the red beast into a Pokéball in his hand. The trainer turned and walked off down the now desolate route 102, his white hair flashing in the sun.

Rick looked around. He lay in an arc of destruction. There were shreds of straw that used to be his hat fluttering in the grass. He realised that it must have fallen from his head at some point, likely when Wurmple had tackled him. His net lay snapped in half a few feet from him. Wurmple's Pokéball, at least, the Wurmple who was still with him, was cracked in half, the lights inside flickering and sparking. The trees had been blown away, the ground ruptured and bussing slightly. Dust lay thick in the air and made it hard to breathe. He looked around but Rick could see nothing of his friend, other Wurmple.

Rick sighed for a long time.

They stood up and amidst all the destruction Rick and Wurmple walked away from the forest, towards their home. Soon they would rebuild, try and gain back everything that they had lost. But not today. Today they just wanted to go home.


End file.
